HelpLine: ‘General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?’
Customer: ‘I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!’
HelpLine: ‘Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?’
Customer: ‘What’s an ignition?’
HelpLine: ‘It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.’
Customer: ‘Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?’
HelpLine: ‘General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?’
Customer: ‘My car ran fine for a week and now it won’t go anywhere!’
HelpLine: ‘Is the gas tank empty?’
Customer: ‘Huh? How do I know?’
HelpLine: ‘There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F’. Where is the needle pointing?’
Customer: ‘It’s pointing to ‘E’. What does that mean?’
HelpLine: ‘It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.’
Customer: ‘What? I paid 11,500 euros for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!’
HelpLine: ‘General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?’
Customer: ‘Your cars suck!’
HelpLine: ‘What’s wrong?’
Customer: ‘It crashed, that’s what wrong!’
HelpLine: ‘What were you doing?’
Customer: ‘I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won’t start now!’
HelpLine: ‘It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?’
Customer: ‘I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn’t crash any more!’
HelpLine: ‘General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?’
Customer: ‘Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.’
HelpLine: ‘Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?’
Customer: ‘How do I work it?’
HelpLine: ‘Do you know how to drive?’
Customer: ‘Do I know how to what?’
HelpLine: ‘Do you know how to drive?’
Customer: ‘I’m not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!’
Humor